its been exactly 1 and a half years where i can wake up in the mornings and i am truly excited to be alive. BEFORE (whilst still living in this dark reality known as depression) i would wake up and be grateful that i just got through another evening....NOW things are just different. I absolutely ADORE life and all the beauty it has to offer.
getting there was no easy road as i am sure a lot of you who have followed my blog know. in 2011 i was diagnosed with depression and i was addicted to this notion that things would just be better if i simply ended my life. From there onwards i have been to 10 or 11 different rehabs, seen countless doctors, been on 26 different medications, seen so many therapists i cant even keep count....and often i felt that it was for nothing as i kept on just falling into this dark black hole that i knew as my horrible existence. I JUST WANTED TO DIE. over and over again....day in and day out.
I CANT say there is a magic cure or a step by step process to follow otherwise we would not be experiencing so many deaths by the hand of mental illness. BUT there is one thing that i live by 100 percent and its HOPE. i do believe 110 % that if i could get through it....anybody can.
I am still on medication but THE RIGHT medication. at one point i was on 8 different pills and it was doing nothing for me (it was actually messing me up more than anything to be honest). i see my therapist once every 2 weeks still. so no.....i didn't just wake up and by some magic wand my depression was gone. i am still working at it every day but i am no longer a prisoner. i can now deal with life and its many challenges but still love life with every inch of my existence.
unfortunately life is no movie. its not like suddenly i am traveling the world and all happy clappy where there is just a happy ending around the corner. Life is still tough. but i am SOOOOO much TOUGHER. and i know that now. one of my favorite words that i am obsessed with using is 'RESILIENCE'. it means that yes life may knock you down but you will carry on getting up and fighting despite all odds against you.
so i don't know. maybe no one may read this post today. or maybe just one person. BUT if you are....PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP HOPE. and if you are a family member or parent of someone with depression....DO NOT LOSE HOPE. this disease is so horrible. ah i hate the damn thing honestly. its one that people don't take as seriously as when you say you have cancer or one of those that people judge you for and think ' ah you just a dramaqueen'....DEPRESSION IS REAL. DEPRESSION KILLS.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT.....YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN THIS STUPID DISEASE AND MY HOPE IS THAT YOU CONTINUE FIGHTING BECAUSE DAMN DO YOU HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF LIVING OUT THERE STILL TO DO!!!!!! life is beautiful i promise you. and i would of never thought that those words would come out of my mouth a couple of years ago....i really wouldn't. so be resilient. fight. and if you don't have the fight in you....call someone. there is HOPE. i promise you.