But you tired of being sick, a victim to depression, in need of a crutch and thus desperately trying to escape the darkness you in, you decide to seek help. 3 months away. But he waits. This makes you love him even more.
You get back. More in love. Stronger. Capable of self-love and thus capable of giving him the love he always deserved. You no longer need a crutch and you ready to walk this journey with him upright, no longer with broken wings, a broken soul.
Everyday he makes you fall in love with him even more. You love this idea of this new found and felt love. You addicted. A new drug.? A sweet enticing fix. At least this new found addiction...replaces a long time addiction of wanting to die. You are so alive. Full of hope. Passionate. You start to believe its love that conquers all.
2 weeks of being back he makes sure you in it for the long haul. You both start looking at engagement rings. He implants this movie, this fairy tale of happily ever after in your head. You excited, no longer sick, no longer in need for him to be your crutch, excited about your new discovered love for life, a life including him. He assures you of that.
A week later. On a Saturday morning he drops you off somewhere to spend time with his sister, she is new in town, in from America. You couldn't wait to meet her. And to his surprise she opened up to you, you thought of her to be very kind. Accepting. Only now you curious as to why....what influence this had on things that were seemingly perfect.
After saying goodbye he still messages you that he misses you. A few hours go by and
Unexpectedly he breaks up with you over a SMS. You phone him only for him to crush you, break your heart even further.
It makes no sense...."I just want to be alone right now. But I love you. Can't picture my future with anyone else. My heart is broken. But I do miss you." Are the words strung together ...uttered from his mouth, his only explanation for his love that Has come to a end. It completely fucks with your mind. Your world. What the .......
You came back feeling as though you completely healed. Strong. Excited that he no longer has to spend that extra energy to lift you up. Excited that you have discovered what love really is and you can now shower him with its loveliness. You now passionate about life. not only because you get to spend it with him but excited for your own journey to come . You start planning your own future. And his plans you deeply encourage as well.
Through rehabilitation, through healing, you have regained this indescribable hope, a tremendous strength within. Since your return ....he affirms you daily of this. Apparently ea h and every day he falls more and more in love with you. He loves your new found independence. Your new found inner strength, wisdom, knowledge, contentment, maturity, compassion, joy.
But it was all short lived. Unexpectedly he has ripped the rug from underneath your feet.
You off balance. Your world keeps turning. You are stuck in this labyrinth of brokenness, no way out. You are taken back. This breakup is like a time travel for your mind and emotions. Back to square one. Broken wings. Hopeless. Lost. Crippled inside. Darkness is enclosing in on you. What was suppose to be a new beginning now feels like the end.
Imagine meeting someone who knew the dustiest and darkest corners of your life. You labored and swept it clean .....but now the dust has settled again.
Imagine......
Well happy broken anniversary my dear.
Not that it means anything to you.
Thus I guess I have to learn to let go. I thought i took part in a love story but it was just all a magic show. A illusion. So deceiving. And ps......
I thought you took my breath away. But it looks like all along I've just been suffocating on your bullshit.