The first week included us living amongst the most beautiful breathtaking greenery of mountains, not even photographs could capture the beauty of it. My inner child definitely came out with bungy jumping and other adrenalin fueled activities. As a family- even though holidays are suppose to bring you closer, that first week was hell. Tension was rising and since i have been back from rehab i will admit it is difficult for them to understand that you are okey, they can trust you. In that misunderstanding, you also have to prove yourself so when problems arise for you which would disappoint the normal person, you don't know how to act. You want to be real but you don't want to scare them? Its been a very confusing and difficult journey with the family since i have been back.
i received my healing, but they still hold on to their fear, resentment, pain etc. And even though you fought for your life, you cant understand them saying " it would be better without you here." VERY CONFUSING.
On top of that i took my boyfriend back who broke up with me over watsapp and that caused the biggest family feud as my family dislikes him to the point where he is no longer welcome at our home. Well they were right, out of the blue again, 2 days ago, over the phone he ended things with me once again.
Thereafter we went on a boat cruise. I decided to give my family some space and surprisingly had one of the best holidays in a while. I didn't have to fake my happiness. I didn't have any days of depression or sadness. I was not the insecure girl whom no one would ever approach because of all the negative energy she radiated. I met and made incredible friends. We became the cruise familia. Different backgrounds, stories, lives, city's but we all just meshed and had the most amazing time. I finally realized what it meant to be really happy and confident in your skin. Why invert, why run away from people, why be scared...once you open yourself up and realize you of the same breed, and you have nothing to be afraid of...the results are amazing and endless.
Now i am back, and reality brings up a lot of sadness and fear but where there are fairytales there are also realities to follow. i need to figure out what i want out of this year, who do i want to be, how does god want to use me, and i need to start painting that blank canvas called "life"....exciting....but scary,....
until tomorrow.
Happy. confident. girl.