After i have started doing research, reading books, watching motivational preaches and videos i believe we are NOT ON EARTH for ourselves, but for others. To serve others. To use the talents given ourselves for others. "to live in service, not to you, but to live in service to humanity." YOU ARE HERE still for a reason.
Lately since my birthday which was on the 30th of April this year and i was the closest to killing myself ever, i have now realized i cannot do this on my own. I am so desperate i have handed my whole life and being to God. After i have started doing research, reading books, watching motivational preaches and videos i believe we are NOT ON EARTH for ourselves, but for others. To serve others. To use the talents given ourselves for others. "to live in service, not to you, but to live in service to humanity." YOU ARE HERE still for a reason.
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We all have our battles that we face every day, dragons that need slaying and often in the process this may leave deep routed scars. Life is tough but so are you darling. These scars are a documentation of what you have been through and although it doesn't mean the battle is over, if you have this far there is still hope.Stop fighting with yourself and learn to love every little bit of yourself. You need to start filing that void with things that make your soul come alive, things that can bring you peace and perhaps even a tiny bit of joy. To be happy is a hard job. One we have to sign up for and really commit to. One we have to sweat and Labor for so we can achieve perhaps just a moment of solitude, hold on to that bit of happiness when you have it and remind yourself every time that when you want to run away, when you want to quit, when you see no more light. . . That it's possible to have that moment again. I hope that one day you realize what a special and rare gift you are to the world and may you start living and loving your life, as you can create and shape it into whatever you want it to be...you have infinite power inside of you. The fight might now be over but you have strength inside of you that can overcome this. Hold on and fight. And please don't give up.
So today I just wanted to say thanks.
When I started this blog, come to think of it now, I am not exactly sure WHY?!. Perhaps to express myself, let others realize that you cannot sweep your struggles or mental disorders under the rug, even though they go unnoticed by those that do not understand. You allowed to feel, you allowed to admit to yourself something is wrong and I wanted to let this blog trigger those realizations and manifest into a voice. A loud voice. I know I didn’t start this with the hope and expectation to get comments like “wow you inspire”, or, “this blog has really helped me”, I didn’t even expect others to open up to me. But with the few messages I have received I would like to say thanks. I have not conquered this, I just know that at the end of the day I still choose life over death, so that makes us victors of the day. I have my bad days and when I receive those short messages from some of you, you just lift me up. You touch the places that are sometimes dormant, thank you. Sometimes I go through seasons in my life where I too am tired, feeling totally used up, and then someone writes to me, and it just gives me hope. It motivates me to continue this blog and to continue pushing forward. You too help in my healing. Thank you. She's the places that
she has a desire to visit. She's the pieces of quotes that are plastered in ink in her favorite books. She's the road trips she hopes to go on. She's the beautiful characters that mesmerizes her in her favorite books. She's full of dreams, and i hope they one day come true. -Alexa Evangelista So I realize it has been a while, wow the last post I posted was early July. Then I received a few messages regarding this awful mistake of mine, and I was like "wow I know people visit these pages, but to be asked to write more" really touched me.
Thus today I would like to speak about "the meeting between". The people you become friends with, the people you briefly meet in your wakes of life, the people from your past, the people who have deeply hurt you and then have ended up leaving you, the passing ships, the comforters, the diseased, the people you wish you never met, the people you observe, the people that inspire you....... You may be saying, yes perhaps the "people that add value" inspire, but not the people who have caused hurt and damage!!! Today through my own experiences I am going to go very deep and share with you what I have learned through all of my encounters. I shall first and foremost start with men, a woman’s weakest temptation. 1. No sex= no “anything” When I was in school I developed my first high school crush. Feelings obviously started to surface, which I never had experienced before, and yes I liked him a lot. I even considered him as my “first love”. (Or whatever you may call it) So as time went by, his family and I went to their family vacation home for a long weekend. His dad made me feel so “special” seeing as though I was the first girl they had formally met. Long story short, he tried to have sex with me. I at the time didn’t feel ready, as I had promised myself I would wait till after school, and we weren’t yet in a formal relationship. 2 days later we got to school, and that was the end of that, because I would not sleep with him. I felt worthless, used and pretty much sad. Lesson: Find a guy that realizes your worth, does not only chase you because of his sexual desires, and find someone who is willing to wait. PLUS: Well done for sticking to your morals girlfriend! 2. The 3 year relationship = toxic = abusive relationship = watsapp break-up message (wow I felt sooo special) I can’t say I particularly like to admit that this relationship added any value to my life, as it was partially the reason for me developing suicidal depression. Lesson: Co-dependency can start to develop when the relationship becomes a toxic one. A guy was willing to wait a year and a half before we slept together which in turn made me feel of value. However I learned THAT RUNNING BACK TO someone who physically abused you which I did (RAN BACK TO HIM), =disaster. 3. The “short lasted relationships/ passing ships” Yes they might be short but they can also end up in tears. Lesson: when you are vulnerable and lonely, a relationship is a no go. FOCUS ON self-love before you give your heart to someone else. Just because a guy might wine and dine you, and make promises and come forth as the “this type of guy only comes around once, he must be a keeper”= LETS GET REAL! Lesson: 1. The photographer introduced me to one of my favorite passions of today. 2. The exercise junky introduced me to exercise and wow I feel great, look great, and yoga can be very helpful when you feeling down. 3. The 20 something year old with no ambition. Just NO…. 4. The holiday romance guy= just remember you never see them again, so don’t form any attachments. 5. The wine and diner who turned out to be a woman abuser= Yes I deserve to be wined and dined and flowered up, treated as the classy woman as I am, but no I will not like being punched in the face even though you blame it on your ex “psycho” girlfriend for bringing it out of you. 6. The rehab romance Lasted 1 year. Most common conversations= depression, medication, and depression, medication etc etc. Lesson= not healthy to go for someone when both of you cant even help yourselves. Secondly I would like to start with friends. This one is easy. When you in a bad space, you attract negative people. When you in a healthy space, you attract healthy positive people. When you going through your depression please realize and understand that they don’t understand what you are going through. Conclusion: reflect. If they add value to your life= keeper. If not= dump her or him. Thirdly The people that hurt us. Lesson: See all of the above. You are great. You still here so please stop trying to kill yourself. Stop being the victim. Stop letting others have the power over you to bring you down, and make you feel of no worth. If it no longer serves you, grows you, or adds happiness to your life= let go of the heavy baggage. Annnnd…never go for the drinkers and the druggies when you feeling lonely, low, and think this is the only solution= you stronger than that. Fourthly: The inspirationalS: Yes you get your heroes, celebrities, preachers, motivational speakers, but I am talking about those people that create moments that really touch your soul. I shall give two amazing examples. 1. The homeless guy at the robots So in 2010 I started studying architecture and whilst in second year I had my breakdown and yes that’s where all the wheels came off. I was great at it though and even though I could of gone back because I had the talent and such an amazing opportunity….I did not. The other day a homeless guy stood with this little architectural model in his hands. Beautiful. Precise. Almost perfect. I told him SO, and asked him “who made it and where the materials were obtained?”, and he said he was responsible for it all. Here was someone with so much talent, perhaps even with a dream to go into the building/design industry…. but unlike me he had no opportunities. IT BROKE MY HEART and made me realize how blessed I actually was. 2. The “crazy/ cool chick at the clinic” So one day we were all sitting in the garden, people were smoking, people were talking and there sat a new comer- probably in her 40’s. We were complaining why we here, more complaining, more complaining, more complaining. Out of her silence she broke “guys let me tell you my “f&^%en story.” I sat there, embarrassed by my complaining. I realized how lucky I actually had it and that the cards that I was dealt were not even close to hers. She sat there, with courage, strength…. not looking for a pity party, but perhaps she tried to tell us that even though she had gone through hell and back…she is a victor not a victim. THE LIST COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON!!!! The purpose of this message today however, was to tell you that each person you meet is a blessing in disguise. Suuuuure sometimes I think; “wow if only I didn’t meet this or that one”, “I wish I could of known”, “I wish that person didn’t do this or that to me”. BUTTTTTT we decided to let them into our lives, we made that conscious choice and unfortunately we cannot go back. SO PLEASE go think. Every time you hating on someone from the past, think to yourself…. what did I learn out of it, what was the purpose in it all? AND if anyone remotely similar to those past “a-holes” enter your life, you know how the story ends. Yes people leave scars, which become hidden stories, but we ultimately decide how the chapter will end. NOT THEM. NOT NOW. NOT EVER. Lately i have been so scared. Scared for my future. Scared because of my current relationship with a guy. Scared when i have my "off" days, scared because my only friend, my best friend, is leaving soon for a job which is hours and hours away. Then i came upon this video. It didn't take my fears away, but at least put things into perspective. Fear robs us of our dreams, of amazing possibilities, it steals from us, it takes away, it leaves us crippled with a deep and dark loss, an abyss, a pit of nothingness. “Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds. To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”” — Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them So every single day thousands of words come slipping from our lips. Like the bible says….thy mouth can either be a blessing or a curse. We should be VERY CAREFUL of what comes out of our mouths. Once it is out we can no longer grab hold of those words, and take them back in. Some words might be as harmless as a bullet scheming your shoulder, others so deep cut as bringing a horrific wound to the flesh. WATCH this video and you will see what i mean.!!!!! Someone once told me.
Take a plate. Throw it on the floor. Its broken right? Now what are you going to do? Sorry's aren't always going to mend the broken pieces together. |
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