So this week I want to talk about self-esteem. You know this can get caught up in the idea of self-love, self-esteem all that type of stuff, but what is self-esteem?
Well lets looks at the words “Self” and “Esteem”. If we reverse engineer these two words, it means to esteem yourself. And there are all kinds of ways that we learn about how we can get self-esteem into our lives, right, we can do affirmations, we can go to personal growth retreats, we can read books, we can attend seminars, we can do all these things. But let me ask you a question, have you ever done all those things? Have you read all the books, all the personal growth, all the affirmations, all that stuff and there is still apart of you that’s like “bullshit”? Right, have you ever had that experience?
Well the reason why is because there is a truth detector inside us that knows when you are bullshitting, and when you are not bullshitting. Right, and when you are bullshitting, well, you are not really esteeming yourself, because the way you are esteeming your self are through esteem-able acts. Right, like for example let’s say that your goal is to lose weight and you know that for you to lose weight you basically you got to cut sugar out of your diet, you got to eat a healthy diet, you got to eat a lot of healthy fats and fiber and greens and stuff like that and you got to exercise.
Right, you got to exercise every day and maybe not intensely, but at least a little bit every day. So you know this, and you start going down that path and then maybe a couple of days into it you are starting to feel good about it. Why? Because you are staying in the integrity that you want, but if you go off the wagon and start downing the snickers bars and not working out like are you going to esteem yourself, are you going to have self-esteem? No. And you can sit here and say all the positive affirmations you want that I love myself, I love myself, I love myself but if you are doing action contrary to your own conscience, contrary to that truth detector inside of you, you are never going to esteem yourself. And the other thing is if you are looking for your self-esteem in other relationships, outside jobs, approval from other people, you setting yourself up for major, major let down because can you control other people? No. Can you control outside circumstances? No. Can you control maybe your partner in a romantic relationship? Hell no. Right “What can you control?
There is one thing that you can control” and what is it? It’s the way you interpret events, the meaning you give events, and ultimately if you want to get your self-esteem back it’s like what do I want first of all? What’s the outcome that I want? Who are the people who are already producing that result? For example if you want to lose weight, take advice from fit people right, you don’t want to take weight loss advice from someone who is 300 pounds overweight. If you want to start a business take advice from people who are entrepreneurs. Right, and then model them, do what they are doing over and over and over and over again.
You know, don’t go and get a work out partner who is at the same fitness level as you are, get someone further down the road so when you want to stop they are going to say NO, keep going! Right, you want to surround yourself with people who are further down the road who can call you on your B.S. And a funny things start to happen when you surround yourself with people who are further down the road than you, right, when you do esteem-able acts, when you trust yourself, when you act in integrity with the actual things that you want POOF self-esteem emerges. Why? Because you earned it, ok.
Self-esteem is earned through doing esteem-able acts. So think about your life, think about the goals that you want; maybe you want a loving relationship, maybe you want a healthy body, or you want to have financial abundance in your life, or you want to get away from toxic people in your life, or you want to create a business, or whatever it is you want to do, right, where are you at with integrity, where are you going towards a healthy body, but stuffing your face full of sugar?
Where are you going towards a healthy relationship, but maybe cheating on the person or lying to them, or lying to them, or emotionally cheating?
Where are you at with integrity and what could be 5 ways, that starting right now, that you could bring yourself back into integrity with what you actually want? And then you start to esteem yourself, self-esteem is earned by doing esteem-able acts. What can be 5 esteem-able acts that you know if you are really honest with yourself that you need to be doing?
And there is that part of you that is calling bullshit, affirmations are wonderful I use them all the time, and I advise my clients to use them. But affirmations without aligned action and esteem-able action, kind of worthless, they are just words that you tell yourself when the rest of your body goes and calls bullshit. So what can be those 5 ways that you can bring yourself back into having esteem for yourself? In the comments below let me know.
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